Wish I Had Known

I recently read where someone admitted that they couldn’t participate in an activity because of anxiety. When I read about her experience, it triggered so many memories of my mom. I know that experience is real. I know that it is painful. I understand from the other side how it not only hurts the person experiencing it, but also those around them.

If you’ve read my blog, then you know the story about my mom. I have shared that she was an alcoholic. She died 23 years ago after battling cancer for only a year. There were many heartbreaking memories between us over the years, but after reading about anxiety – it makes things more clear. There is not a doubt in my mind that she suffered from it. THAT’S most likely why she didn’t show up at my school activities. THAT’S why she didn’t come to my wedding. Overwhelming anxious thoughts stopped her from stepping out of the house. How did I miss it?

How I wish she was still here – open to me asking questions. Open to my apologies for not seeing and understanding. Welcoming my unconditional love from a daughter who failed her in so many ways…

 

 

 

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